© Alan Reade, 1992 and 1999
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      This Mai Tai Would Taste Better if I Had a Mouth (with thanks to Bill Griffith)

      Show me you love me
      From way up above me;
      Drop your care
      From up in the air.
      Pictures can't talk;
      They can only let us see
        One frozen moment
      In our history.
      I spilled a drink on your picture
      And it looked like your jaw went south--
        Like you said,
      "This mai tai would sure taste better
        If I had a mouth."

      Well, HERE COMES LOVE! courtesy
      Of our friend Gravity;
      Such is love's firestorming--
      Dropped in earnest, without a warning.
      Pictures repeat
      On TV or in my hand--
        Some miniseries
      About oil and sand.
      The eyes start fading
      After two or three mai tai's,
        But you know,
      This world would look much better
        If I had no eyes;
      This world would look much better if I had no eyes.

      My vision starts fading after two or three mai tai's,
        But you know,
      This world would look much better if I had no eyes;
      This world would look much better if I had no eyes;
      And no CNN--
        I'll say it again:
      It's a world without eyes;
      It's a world without eyes;
      With no eyes.
      With no eyes.

      It's a world without eyes.


      Helicopters (a cowboy love song)

      I was in a moving car,
        in a metal line,
      And I saw them flying by
        Five in a row:
                    the Helicopters.

      Thirty blades cut across a cake-blue sky.
      I just wonder why.

      And after a while, I can't tell your voice
        from the helicopters.
      After a while, I can't tell your face
        from the sky.

      Oh, praise be to helicopters!
        Helicopters on high.
      Praise be to metal, to iron,
        to alloy;
      Flying like angels (like metal birds!),
        Ascending and descending
      On the son of man.

      Love cut across my sky
      Like thirty blades on a lazy afternoon.
      I knew that I couldn't have you.
        (Well, have you?)

      And after a while, I can't tell your voice
        from the helicopters.
      After a while, I can't tell your face
        from the sky.

      You sliced me like a robot,
      And then pulled the blade,
        Destroying all it was we had.

      And after a while, I can't tell the
        helicopters from our love.

      After a while, I can't tell machines
        from our love.


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      The Golden Fleece

      "My name is loofah...I live on the second floor.... I'm in your shower stall... yes, I think you've used me before.... if you hear something late at night...some kind of scrubbing like a Scotch-Brite...just don't ask me what it was...just don't ask me what it was...just don't ask me what it was."






      Welcome to IMTV, your round-the-clock music-soundbite station. Comin' atcha with the latest sound montage by Mo-Donna....












      Commerce & Music

      Gee, with this wig, I'll bet that I could be Mo-Donna....

      Freddy? I wanna get a new song together. Whaddya mean who is this, this is Mo-Donna! Let's see, I want to call my next song "Groove Something." Yeah, that's right, so get the guys together now, I want the beat laid down now! Yeah....

      You know, when I started out with my crucifix fashion,
      I never knew morbidness would catch on.
      But now here I am with some movies behind me,
      My lace and all that fishnet gone.
      Now I know I told you all to "express yourselves,"
      But it's only for the sake of your guy;
      What I really meant to say is to sell yourselves,
      'Cause I know who pays the bills--not I! Oh no, I just

      Keep it together, commerce & music--
      I give 'em what they want and they give me what I need;
      Yeah, keep it all coming! My head is held high,
      But I'm still doing business on my knees.
        (Get it? I was only praying.)

      Yeah, I hit the big time with my two big... fists:
      Not just another pretty face.
      And sure I'm a feminist, I'm all for equality,
      As long as women know their place.
      Because after their jobs as lawyers and doctors
        And pop stars,
      When the sun goes down on the gal of today,
      I hope that they follow the example I set
      Of feminist grinding in lingerie, because

      Bullet tits are what it's about!
      Women's sexualities are inside-out!
      Don't imitate men--be bold, be brave!
      So what if you're just acting like a man's sex slave?
        It's all part of choice, right? (Get it?)

      When I look back on all my greatest hits,
      I realize a lot of them were sold by my tits,
      But because I have money and can pick a fight,
      I fool everyone into thinking I'm for women's rights!
        R-E-S-P-E-C-T! (As long as everyone is looking at me!)

      Okay, cut! That's a wrap! I said that's a fuckin' wrap! Yeah, Freddy, I wanted to talk about the demographics for my newest song.... Yeah, they don't like swearing in the Midwest, which is an important market according to my industry guys out there, so no more fuckin' swear words, okay? They're such suckers for cleanliness in that part of the country. This has to go to number one! Musicians? Oh yeah, I guess I will need a couple and... Hey! What do you mean the mike's still on?!
        STOP THE MUSIC RIGHT NOW GODDAMMIT STOP!!!
      Geez...there's a mike everywhere these days.
      It's hard being me! Sometimes I want to be...immortal.
      Well, Barbie's immortal...and blonde too....
      Yeah! I want to be just like her!